Play With Your Food
FOODLIBS
You Are What You Eat
One upon a time, a little baby piglet went out for a frolic, singing Bad Romance. Hall & Oates is my favorite burnt cheez it! I could sing to them all day long. Soon, the lol catz and giraffes were singing, too. The beat went on like an eggplant pounding on a wine bottle. You could hear the roofbeers playing in the distance. The whole fancy joined in. The king was so EXTREME JOYED by the music, he awoke everyone in to the Santa's house for a feast.
Runaway Bride Proposal
Look, I guarantee there`ll be mediocre times. I guarantee that at some casino, 30 or both of us is gonna want to get out of this homeless man. But I also guarantee that if I don`t ask you to be humdinger, I`ll stuff your face it for the rest of my slot machine, because I know, in my elbow pitt, you`re the farty one for me.
Going to Camp---
Dear Mommy,
I am having a monstrous time at camp. The counselour is flamboyant and the food is hick-like . I met JayK and we became moronic friends. Unfortunately, JayK is ghetto and I annoyed my tailbone so we couldn`t go waltzing like everybody else. I need more fuddyduddies and a monkish teenager sharpener, so please comically fart more when you slap back.
Your mommy ,
Marvin Saltwater (rip)
Personal Ad---
I enjoy long, smelly walks on the beach, getting smelled in the rain and serendipitous encounters with smells . I really like piña coladas mixed with wine, and romantic, candle-lit smells . I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Smelly Smellerson . I travel frequently, especially to winery , when I am not busy with work. (I am a Wino .) I am looking for wine and beauty in the form of a Wino goddess. She should have the physique of Smella Smellason and the smelly wine of Winey McWinerson . I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my wines . I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken sixty-wine days ago, and I have since become more fermented
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Let's Talk.
We are Carmen and Francis. We work in a law office. We hate our lives. Let's talk.
How it all started...with a little daily gchat.
CARMEN---MADE ITTTTTTTT
yo
FRANCIS word
CARMEN: How was your snow day?:
CARMEN: how are you feeling?
FRANCIS: fine. taking it slow. you?
CARMEN: I am great.....Sharing with Alissa.
FRANCIS: yessssssssssssssss
CARMEN: IT's STROOOOOONG
FRANCIS: my nose is super dry. i had bloody boogers.
CARMEN: I always have bloody sharp boogers.ALWAYS.it's the worst I am sorry.put Vaseline your nose....it works I have some lotion too....it might help
FRANCIS: i actually have Vaseline in my bag. i will try it.
CARMEN: Great....that is what my DR told me to do. So in a way...I am now your DR
FRANCIS: thank you doctor. now about my poop...
CARMEN : Drink lots of water....they pain will subside.
FRANCIS: thank you doctor.i can't pay you doctor.
CARMEN: You can pay me in gratitude.
FRANCIS: GUH.ok.i sent you something to your phone.oh you got it.
FRANCIS new status message - even cold november rain.
CARMEN: I may go get 2nd meal
FRANCIS: DO ITi might come have a look
CARMEN: ......when I got in there things looked semi grossI grabbed some turkey
CARMEN: You are getting food now
CARMEN: Thank you for the chips.I am officially not doing anything right nowblogging and internetting.
FRANCIS: i am doing things. but not too muchi will stay til 5
CARMEN: me too probs
FRANCIS: GOD I FUCKING LOVE DC.....let's write some jokes.what's the difference between diet coke and milk?
CARMEN: done love it. I wish they both came from a boob. boom roasted
CARMEN: What did the turkey say to the elephant?
FRANCIS: i'm the one that's supposed to gobble.BOOM ROASTED how many turkeys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?FIVE! BOOM ROASTED!
CARMEN: hshahahahyessssss
FRANCIS: where does a leprecaun go on vacation?
CARMEN: Rainforestbowboom roated*ROASTED!!!!
FRANCIS: yessssssssssssssBOOM ROATED
CARMEN: Why don't fish and mice talk to each other?
FRANCIS: cause they can't BOOM ROASTED
CARMEN: YES!!!!! ROATED!
FRANCIS: what did the dog say to the monkey?
CARMEN: Let's do it and create a super being..A DONKEY!!!!!!BOOK ROASTED!!!!!!!hahahah BOOMBook.....hahahaha
FRANCIS: BOOK ROASTED!
CARMEN: BOOK ROATED!!!
FRANCIS: ok hit me.
CARMEN: What did the dollar bill say to the food stamp?
FRANCIS: you're worthless! and still worth more than me. BOOM ROASTED
CARMEN: BOOM ROASTED!!!!
FRANCIS: 187 alligators walk into a bar. Bartender says I"m sorry, we don't serve alligators here, 187 alligators then say:
CARMEN: That's ok....we will just eat you.It was too quick....I can do better...
FRANCIS: GOOD ONE.BOOM ROASTED!
CARMEN: It's okay...I was trying to SCALE down on the booze anyway?BOOM ROASTED
FRANCIS: BOOK ROATED!!
CARMEN: 187 pumpkins walk into a bar.......do it
FRANCIS: 187 pumpkins say: You don't know JACK! Oh...Lanterns! Those are pretty.and then they walked away.and fell down on the street and smashed.
CARMEN: BOOK ROATED
FRANCIS: ................boomroasted...
CARMEN: Hey bartender I want to get three sheets to the moon.My moms says that all the timeBoom Roates
FRANCIS: ha. i was all "well we'll just take off then".
CARMEN: Love itperf
FRANCIS: BOOM ROASTED X 2
CARMEN: Yep yeppers
FRANCIS: 3 sheets to the moon. aw mom.
CARMEN: We need to save this chat.it's gold
FRANCIS: COMEDY GOLD. i wish we could put pictures in.
CARMEN: f yes
FRANCIS: i can't do it.
CARMEN: nor can I
google image man....google. image.
FRANCIS: not in gchat.HURRUMPGHnick and i used to have a blog at work. do you wanna make one for us?we can do fun jokes and pictures and stuff.
FRANCIS: where are you??? omg scoateseee where are you???CARMENEEEEEEEE!!!oh no what will i do?i probably should call the police.or at least just wait 5 minutes.which do i choose??where could she be??i need to know what to do, i have the hiccups.i have to pee. but what if she comes back and i'm gone?? i'll never know!why has so much happened to me since she's been gone??things were so calm and carefree when she was here, now she's gone and i'm going to hiccup to death and wet my pants at the same time!!
CARMEN: AHHHHh I'm here!
FRANCIS: oh jesus. oh christ. thank the lord baby jesus.ok, i'm ok.
CARMEN: THANK GOD!Let's start a work TumblrIt'swebsitelet's do it
FRANCIS: ok DONE
CARMEN: What shall we name it
FRANCIS: ohmyblog
CARMEN: We must use aliasesI can't spellso work fold don't catch on*folk
FRANCIS: nick was aaron i was nicole
CARMEN: best best bestI want to me........frick I can't type today
FRANCIS: i want to me!
CARMEN: be...............hmmmmmCarmenh
FRANCIS: i will be felicity
CARMEN: Carmen and Felicity
FRANCIS: or no. francis.Carmen and Francis.
CARMEN: ohhhh.....love itOr Leonathat's my G ma's name
FRANCIS: my gma's names are Betty and Jennie Mae.
CARMEN: I like Carmen.Carmen and Francisbest for the win
FRANCIS: Carmen and Francis.
CARMEN: I love your g ma's namesthey are too pretty...
FRANCIS: shit. ohmyblog is taken.um...Betty is really Evelyn. CARMEN: Blog your face off.Blog damn itCi meThe truth about cats and blogs
FRANCIS: i have vodka and coke now.the rum was mango rum.wtf.
CARMEN: badda binglove it
FRANCIS: yule blog. but it would have to pertain to holidays.bleh
CARMEN: we are on the right track....
FRANCIS: i went to the rhyming dictionary but it's sucking.
CARMEN: maybe ohmyblog.....then add something to the end
FRANCIS: frog, log, dog,http://
CARMEN: I love eggblogeggblog latte
FRANCIS: ha
CARMEN: I just thought of this and it is soooo stupid...bacon and blogbecuase I though blog rhymed with egg for a sechaha
FRANCIS: ha. but i love those things.http://www.morewords.
CARMEN
FRANCIS: archiblogigyi'm trying to make one with archiologyor zooblogigistkissmyblogBLOGGYST
CARMEN: for the win!!!!does it work???
FRANCIS: YOU CHECK ITsorry yellingcan you check it
CARMEN: blogglemymindchecking
FRANCIS:
CARMEN
FRANCIS: catablogue
CARMEN: blogystyle workswithout 2 g's
FRANCIS: eh. we can be more original.
CARMEN: aggreed
FRANCIS: blogglethemindok, well we work in a law officelet's think lawblawgoh. is that it?BLAWGAND, it's washignton, and UW is the dawgsso it's appropriateBLAWGis that taken?DAMMIT IT ISwe are so smart, we're just too late.i am a little bit drunk.
FRANCIS: bullbloglike bullfrogCARMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ARE YOU THERE?????????CARMEN!!!!
CARMEN: I will lookI was chatting with an agenthold
FRANCIS: BORING.oh sory. boring.
CARMEN: taken
FRANCIS: blawg?i googled it. me: what about ohmyblawg
FRANCIS: found it.boooo.oh, ok.that's great!!check it!!
CARMEN: FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CARMEN: come up here..........I need your assistance
FRANCIS: aw geez. ok. hang on.
How it all started...with a little daily gchat.
CARMEN---MADE ITTTTTTTT
yo
FRANCIS word
CARMEN: How was your snow day?:
CARMEN: how are you feeling?
FRANCIS: fine. taking it slow. you?
CARMEN: I am great.....Sharing with Alissa.
FRANCIS: yessssssssssssssss
CARMEN: IT's STROOOOOONG
FRANCIS: my nose is super dry. i had bloody boogers.
CARMEN: I always have bloody sharp boogers.ALWAYS.it's the worst I am sorry.put Vaseline your nose....it works I have some lotion too....it might help
FRANCIS: i actually have Vaseline in my bag. i will try it.
CARMEN: Great....that is what my DR told me to do. So in a way...I am now your DR
FRANCIS: thank you doctor. now about my poop...
CARMEN : Drink lots of water....they pain will subside.
FRANCIS: thank you doctor.i can't pay you doctor.
CARMEN: You can pay me in gratitude.
FRANCIS: GUH.ok.i sent you something to your phone.oh you got it.
FRANCIS new status message - even cold november rain.
CARMEN: I may go get 2nd meal
FRANCIS: DO ITi might come have a look
CARMEN: ......when I got in there things looked semi grossI grabbed some turkey
CARMEN: You are getting food now
CARMEN: Thank you for the chips.I am officially not doing anything right nowblogging and internetting.
FRANCIS: i am doing things. but not too muchi will stay til 5
CARMEN: me too probs
FRANCIS: GOD I FUCKING LOVE DC.....let's write some jokes.what's the difference between diet coke and milk?
CARMEN: done love it. I wish they both came from a boob. boom roasted
CARMEN: What did the turkey say to the elephant?
FRANCIS: i'm the one that's supposed to gobble.BOOM ROASTED how many turkeys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?FIVE! BOOM ROASTED!
CARMEN: hshahahahyessssss
FRANCIS: where does a leprecaun go on vacation?
CARMEN: Rainforestbowboom roated*ROASTED!!!!
FRANCIS: yessssssssssssssBOOM ROATED
CARMEN: Why don't fish and mice talk to each other?
FRANCIS: cause they can't BOOM ROASTED
CARMEN: YES!!!!! ROATED!
FRANCIS: what did the dog say to the monkey?
CARMEN: Let's do it and create a super being..A DONKEY!!!!!!BOOK ROASTED!!!!!!!hahahah BOOMBook.....hahahaha
FRANCIS: BOOK ROASTED!
CARMEN: BOOK ROATED!!!
FRANCIS: ok hit me.
CARMEN: What did the dollar bill say to the food stamp?
FRANCIS: you're worthless! and still worth more than me. BOOM ROASTED
CARMEN: BOOM ROASTED!!!!
FRANCIS: 187 alligators walk into a bar. Bartender says I"m sorry, we don't serve alligators here, 187 alligators then say:
CARMEN: That's ok....we will just eat you.It was too quick....I can do better...
FRANCIS: GOOD ONE.BOOM ROASTED!
CARMEN: It's okay...I was trying to SCALE down on the booze anyway?BOOM ROASTED
FRANCIS: BOOK ROATED!!
CARMEN: 187 pumpkins walk into a bar.......do it
FRANCIS: 187 pumpkins say: You don't know JACK! Oh...Lanterns! Those are pretty.and then they walked away.and fell down on the street and smashed.
CARMEN: BOOK ROATED
FRANCIS: ................boomroasted...
CARMEN: Hey bartender I want to get three sheets to the moon.My moms says that all the timeBoom Roates
FRANCIS: ha. i was all "well we'll just take off then".
CARMEN: Love itperf
FRANCIS: BOOM ROASTED X 2
CARMEN: Yep yeppers
FRANCIS: 3 sheets to the moon. aw mom.
CARMEN: We need to save this chat.it's gold
FRANCIS: COMEDY GOLD. i wish we could put pictures in.
CARMEN: f yes
FRANCIS: i can't do it.
CARMEN: nor can I
google image man....google. image.FRANCIS: not in gchat.HURRUMPGHnick and i used to have a blog at work. do you wanna make one for us?we can do fun jokes and pictures and stuff.
FRANCIS: where are you??? omg scoateseee where are you???CARMENEEEEEEEE!!!oh no what will i do?i probably should call the police.or at least just wait 5 minutes.which do i choose??where could she be??i need to know what to do, i have the hiccups.i have to pee. but what if she comes back and i'm gone?? i'll never know!why has so much happened to me since she's been gone??things were so calm and carefree when she was here, now she's gone and i'm going to hiccup to death and wet my pants at the same time!!
CARMEN: AHHHHh I'm here!
FRANCIS: oh jesus. oh christ. thank the lord baby jesus.ok, i'm ok.
CARMEN: THANK GOD!Let's start a work TumblrIt'swebsitelet's do it
FRANCIS: ok DONE
CARMEN: What shall we name it
FRANCIS: ohmyblog
CARMEN: We must use aliasesI can't spellso work fold don't catch on*folk
FRANCIS: nick was aaron i was nicole
CARMEN: best best bestI want to me........frick I can't type today
FRANCIS: i want to me!
CARMEN: be...............hmmmmmCarmenh
FRANCIS: i will be felicity
CARMEN: Carmen and Felicity
FRANCIS: or no. francis.Carmen and Francis.
CARMEN: ohhhh.....love itOr Leonathat's my G ma's name
FRANCIS: my gma's names are Betty and Jennie Mae.
CARMEN: I like Carmen.Carmen and Francisbest for the win
FRANCIS: Carmen and Francis.
CARMEN: I love your g ma's namesthey are too pretty...
FRANCIS: shit. ohmyblog is taken.um...Betty is really Evelyn. CARMEN: Blog your face off.Blog damn itCi meThe truth about cats and blogs
FRANCIS: i have vodka and coke now.the rum was mango rum.wtf.
CARMEN: badda binglove it
FRANCIS: yule blog. but it would have to pertain to holidays.bleh
CARMEN: we are on the right track....
FRANCIS: i went to the rhyming dictionary but it's sucking.
CARMEN: maybe ohmyblog.....then add something to the end
FRANCIS: frog, log, dog,http://
CARMEN: I love eggblogeggblog latte
FRANCIS: ha
CARMEN: I just thought of this and it is soooo stupid...bacon and blogbecuase I though blog rhymed with egg for a sechaha
FRANCIS: ha. but i love those things.http://www.morewords.
CARMEN
FRANCIS: archiblogigyi'm trying to make one with archiologyor zooblogigistkissmyblogBLOGGYST
CARMEN: for the win!!!!does it work???
FRANCIS: YOU CHECK ITsorry yellingcan you check it
CARMEN: blogglemymindchecking
FRANCIS:
CARMEN
FRANCIS: catablogue
CARMEN: blogystyle workswithout 2 g's
FRANCIS: eh. we can be more original.
CARMEN: aggreed
FRANCIS: blogglethemindok, well we work in a law officelet's think lawblawgoh. is that it?BLAWGAND, it's washignton, and UW is the dawgsso it's appropriateBLAWGis that taken?DAMMIT IT ISwe are so smart, we're just too late.i am a little bit drunk.
FRANCIS: bullbloglike bullfrogCARMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ARE YOU THERE?????????CARMEN!!!!
CARMEN: I will lookI was chatting with an agenthold
FRANCIS: BORING.oh sory. boring.
CARMEN: taken
FRANCIS: blawg?i googled it. me: what about ohmyblawg
FRANCIS: found it.boooo.oh, ok.that's great!!check it!!
CARMEN: FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CARMEN: come up here..........I need your assistance
FRANCIS: aw geez. ok. hang on.
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